What parents say and don't say to their children can really affect how they grow up. There are some phrases parents should say and there are some phrases parents should avoid if they want their kids to be successful and mentally healthy. During an interview, sociologist and professor at Columbia Business School Adam Galinsky said that there is one frequently used phrase many parents say to their children, not knowing how harmful it can be. That phrase can shatter the child’s confidence and make them doubt themselves. "I am disappointed in you" is that phrase, and parents should stop saying it.
Most parents say it without much thought and feel that they are motivating their child to do better, but it does the opposite. It can damage the child and can cause negative effects in their behavior. It is because using this phrase brings shame within the child, and that isn't something we want our kids to feel as it isn't a productive emotion.
When a child gets shamed, they becomes less productive. It suddenly stops all the critical thinking and problem solving within a child because all they can feel is shame because of the disappointment their parents are feeling because of their actions. Children may begin avoiding the problem altogether, losing the desire to improve or confront challenges. Repeated exposure to shaming phrases can have lasting effects on a child’s mental health. It may lead to low self-esteem or anxiety, impacting their long-term growth and success.
On the other hand, when parents encourage their children to find a solution, it can develop a sense of tackling challenges in a child. Don't just tell children that they have done wrong and you are disappointed in them. Let them see the problem and then ask them how they can change something to do better in the future. These alternatives encourage problem-solving and self-reflection without inducing shame.
This teaches the children that they can take challenges and work on them. It doesn't matter if they do it right or not. What matters is that they are learning from it and will do it better for the second or even the third time.
Image: DIW-Aigen
Read next: Study Explores How Digital Maturity Shapes Social Media Connections in Teens
Most parents say it without much thought and feel that they are motivating their child to do better, but it does the opposite. It can damage the child and can cause negative effects in their behavior. It is because using this phrase brings shame within the child, and that isn't something we want our kids to feel as it isn't a productive emotion.
When a child gets shamed, they becomes less productive. It suddenly stops all the critical thinking and problem solving within a child because all they can feel is shame because of the disappointment their parents are feeling because of their actions. Children may begin avoiding the problem altogether, losing the desire to improve or confront challenges. Repeated exposure to shaming phrases can have lasting effects on a child’s mental health. It may lead to low self-esteem or anxiety, impacting their long-term growth and success.
On the other hand, when parents encourage their children to find a solution, it can develop a sense of tackling challenges in a child. Don't just tell children that they have done wrong and you are disappointed in them. Let them see the problem and then ask them how they can change something to do better in the future. These alternatives encourage problem-solving and self-reflection without inducing shame.
This teaches the children that they can take challenges and work on them. It doesn't matter if they do it right or not. What matters is that they are learning from it and will do it better for the second or even the third time.
Read next: Study Explores How Digital Maturity Shapes Social Media Connections in Teens
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